Since time immemorial, there is this pressing desire in my heart that I cannot get rid of. I have been praying for it. I have been asking God to change my heart, rebuke me, and rid of this desires if my motives are wrong. However, it never went away. It only keeps burning in my heart furthermore. Going back to Singapore last May only fanned the flames further but sadly, after 2 months, I had to come back home to nothing. At some point, I am thinking that maybe this is God's answer to my prayers that to be in Singapore wasn't for me, but in my heart something keeps saying, "Jem, keep pressing on it. Keep reaching for it. The race isn't over. Keep praying for it." So here I am, still not giving up on it.
It has always been clear to me why I wanted to be in Singapore. For the longest time though, I wasn't able to articulate it well. This time though, I am very VERY SURE why I wanted to work in Singapore. It is my desire to bless my parents and Tita Ching and to extend God's love to my friends and be a good testimony to my non-Christian friends.
Today, God spoke to me in quiet time. I read Joshua 1:1-18; Numbers 13:26 - 14:9; and Acts 4:1-31. All through out Joshua 1:5-9, God kept repeating that He will be with Joshua. Given the God remains true yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I believe this remains true to me too. God will also be with me. He repeated it several times to assure the Israelites then and He made me read these repeated words because He meant to assure my anxious thoughts too. Following God's Word and pursuing this burning desire in one's heart which God planted means more trials and temptations. Satan doesn't want Christians to have an easy life. Satan will forever put stumbling blocks to delay and dishearten Christians but why should I be afraid? Why settle for anything less than what God wants me to have? God says I should not be afraid, then that's what I am going to do so.
It is my prayer to find the strength and the courage to be able to live these God-breathed Word of Life into my life:
Joshua 1
v5 - No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. God will not leave you nor forsake you.
v7 - Be strong and be very courageous, being careful to do all according to God's Word. Never turn from it so that you may have success wherever you go.
v8 - God's Word shall not depart from your mouth. Meditate on it day and night so that you'll be careful to do according to all that's written in it. Then your way will be prosperous and then you'll have good success.
Numbers 14
v8 - If the Lord delights in you, He will bring you into this land and give it to you a land that flows with milk and honey
v.9 - Do not rebel against the Lord.Do not fear the people of the land. The Lord is with you.
It is my prayer that I would be bold in speaking God's Word even more. May I find the courage to proclaim the Good News just like what Paul wrote in Acts 4
v10 - Let it be known that by Jesus' name, I am standing before everyone well.
v.12 - There is no salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.
God speaks not in words which you and I couldn't and wouldn't understand. He speaks straight to us and He speaks clearly. We have no excuse not to understand, hear, and believe.
It is clear to me that God planted this burning desire in my heart for so many purposes. He wants me to learn. He wants me to enjoy and rekindle my relationship with Him. He is breaking me now so I may be renewed and once I get back on my feet, I know that I will shine once more for God's glory -- I will shine and be used like the way God wants me to be.
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