A Day of Letting Go

I just got home from Bulacan. Delia's father passed away last Wednesday and so I, along with the rest of the Shekinah Crew, traveled to Bulacan for the wake. Delia has always been a part of my family. I would do anything for her. Thus, though I wasn't exactly ready to face the rest of the Shekinah Crew, I decided to ignore that feeling and went on for the ride. The trip to her place was long and agonizing. The traffic, the van, and some other reasons made the trip even horrible but it was all worth it. I know my sister needs me and I have to be there for her in this trying moment.


As always, my dad shared at the wake. It brought back many memories of nanay. Death has been a topic which I have never been scared to discuss nor face anymore. I guess I haven't fully let go of her. Sigh. I think Del would go through the same phase in her life. But in this lifetime, we are all but transients. At one point, we will all just have to let go and move on and be excited for the Great Reunion. So again, reality bites us painfully and reminds us to stop holding on to our dear loved ones and just let go.


Aside from that, today, I have reached my snapping point. Miguel promised to speak with me earlier but he ended up telling me that he was tired and he was going to bed. I decided to let him be. There's no point in speaking with a person who's tired since your issues would only fall on deaf ears. I gave him an ultimatum though. That we will talk this early morn and settle our issues. If in a few minutes, we won't do so, then I am letting go. Ask me again and again if I'm sure about this and I will tell you that I'm not. I do not want to give up on him but I am only getting hurt by waiting for someone who doesn't want me to do so. I am trying to communicate with someone who doesn't want to speak with me... someone who no longer tries to find time for me. It hurts me thinking that I might have to do this but I have to. Aside from saving myself from further hurt, it seems like he does need space too. His hands are quite full with so many things and he is not good at multi-tasking exactly so if he can't manage his priorities (although I'm not really sure if I'm part of his priorities), I would just step down and let go. (Writing all these things scares me and breaks my heart. It's similar to breaking up of sorts. *sigh*)

Just like what Paulo Coelho said in Closing Cycles, there's always a time to close the cycles. 

"Things pass, 

and the best we can do is 

let them really go away."