Broken

I have been fighting the negative thought that I am not good enough. Growing up I felt like I had to prove something and that I need to be good. Alright, I know for a fact that I am not the best there is and there is always room for improvement. In my heart, all I want is to achieve greater things, to see places, to challenge myself to keep moving forward.


I have failed many times in my life but in most my failures, my parents got my back. I am right now threading unchartered waters. I do not know if I should give up my dreams now, let go, and just be "contented" with being in Manila. I do not know if I must continue to dream big and pursue it all. 


Today, Joel, yes my college thesismate, messaged me telling me of a wonderful blessing. I got a prospective interviewer in Singapore. As usual, it's nothing definite but the prospect made me excited and gave me hope. 


My usual reaction was to excitedly tell my mom. You see, I share almost everything with her - my frustrations and my greatest joys. We were laughing over dinner at how the Skype interview might go and what I should wear, etc. But it broke my heart upon overhearing her conversation with my dad. I clearly heard her say that I should just stay here in Manila and work here. 


It breaks my heart because it's like I was grounded here. I felt bad because I knew I'm facing this alone. I am hurt because this is one of my biggest dreams and I am alone in reaching it. I cling to my parents for my support and for them to cheer me on. It is clear to me that I am not getting any of it now.


*sigh*
My life is not perfect. It's far from it but I am going to overcome this and bounce back. I will let all these sad thoughts out now and tomorrow, I'll be better. I choose to be better.


Words of Wisdom from the movie, "Maid in Manhattan"
What defines us is how well we rise after falling...


I'm going to rise above. 
I will do so.