Coming from different cultures, Miguel and I face the challenge of making both ends meet. Yes, I am aware of the compromises that we both must take to make "us" work.
I wrote him an email earlier this morn. I realized that I have protected myself too much from him that I failed to reveal to him things which made me the "Jamie" that I am today. I shared with him a little about my family - what my parents do, things about my brother, and of course, a summarized version of me. I took that leap of faith because I knew that he deserved to have an idea as to who I really am.
Surprisingly, knowing things about me did not push him away. Instead, he said that "I do not deserve him." It scares me when he speaks seriously at times. I do not know exactly what he means and I'm just scared to be dropped like a hot potato. So, defensively, I told him if he wanted to give up on me. He immediately said no and told me that he wanted to make love with me.
You see, that's one thing I can't agree on. I do not want to base our relationship on lust. I want us to wait until marriage before we make love. He knows it and he is very much aware of it. I felt his apprehension. I felt his need. I felt his frustration. So I asked him if he could still wait for that. He honestly told me that he doesn't know.
It really broke my heart. I totally understand that sex is a natural thing for his culture and that it isn't given much value but to me, it does. So I told him that I am willing to set him free if needed. We got into another long argument that led to him pushing me to make a decision about us. I clearly told him about my stand and that I made a firm decision not to break it. I, then, passed the decision-making to him in which he said, "nao vou fazer sexo com outras meninas" (I will not have sex with other girls.) I know these are but words and it is yet to be proven, but I do give Miguel the benefit of the doubt and I give him credit for saying this. Guys would leave me because of my principles but he is trying his best to stay with me.
I assured him that I am only his and that he has my commitment. I told him I trusted him that much and that made him smile. Speaking different languages puts a barrier in our communication so I have to keep asking him about things. So, I had to ask him if it was clear to him that he just made a commitment with me.
miguel says:
uhuhuhuh
Im afraid
I have to admit that I am afraid too. I know that we have a lot to go through. I don't know why but I want to try this out. I want to see if Miguel and I would work out. He takes risks by committing to me. I want to reach out and reciprocate. I am afraid but I want to stand up for him.... I pray that Miguel is really God's Perfect Choice for me.
Still praying...
No comments:
Post a Comment