Transitions

I am about to embark in a new journey in life. I am about to work and finally, this would be outside of my comfort zone. I am excited and I feel odd about it. Just when work is about to go on smoothly, love life takes another plunge once more. 


I do not have the most ideal set up with Miguel but we try to work things out. He calms my fears and tries his best to address all my worries and anxieties. That somehow works out for me. 

A week ago, he told me that we must speak to each other everyday even just for a little while. However, he was able to do so on weekdays but come weekend, things came tumbling down. Annoyance rushed over me so I emailed him back with all my hurts. 

And he replied to me and attached to it is this song:

He really has a funny way of communicating with me. He knows how to get to my good side. He, for one, knew that Adam Levine would make me feel better. But other than that, the lyrics of the song communicated our situation very well. I understand clearly now what he's trying to say. It's amusing and calming but


I wish things were easier. I wish...

Transitions

Things are turning around for me. Circumstances remain uncertain but at least I get clearer answers. I am processing my pre-employment now for Franklin Covey and I am somewhat excited for it. Other than that, Miguel and I are doing well in our friendship. Again, I am scared to be hurt but he keeps telling me to fight and be strong so I find myself following him and holding on to whatever it is that we have.

More greater things are yet to come and I am looking forward to it.



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Love, Trust, & Exclusivity

What I share with Miguel is fun and it is tough. If there is one thing that is sure about what I share with him is uncertainty. Things are vague between us. To keep whatever this is that we are sharing, I need to move out of my comfort zone and trust. Miguel has always been a great source of love, joy, and encouragement and I will forever be grateful to the Lord for him. That's why though there are countless times when I feel like giving him up, I just can't because he is fighting for what we have.

Earlier this morn, I tried to call it quits and give up on him. It's one of those days when insecurities flood my insides and I can't brush it off and I had to take it out on him. But he was insistent and very persistent. He emphasized that I am his girl and that we are exclusive. It feels good to have such affirmation. I asked the Lord for Miguel. I have been praying for him and it feels good to receive such affirmation. Not that I'm quick to assume that this is it. I am just enjoying this moment when he assured me of my place in his life.

Stumbling blocks, we got a lot! My insecurities alone can break us apart but I'm glad that Miguel opts to be strong for me so we can move on.

I know that he loves me. He is not giving up on me easily. He believes in me. He trusts me. He is not fooling around. He believes in our exclusivity. I have never been in such an assuring situation and it is good to be in this special relationship.

I do not know how our worlds exactly came together and I definitely do not know what the future will bring. But it's nice to know that I could always look back to this year and remember that though life has been a challenge, God blessed me with Miguel who makes me feel loved, challenges me to trust, encourages me to be brave and strong, and to top it all, he wants to be exclusively mine.

What else could I ask for?
My heart is overflowing with so much love already.







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Meet Guinee

What I love about my life is that though bad things happen, I know that something better would somehow come along. I just spoke with my cousin. We were on the phone for almost an hour where I heard all about the good news that is happening in her life. I went through a lot of hassles in life and there were times when I felt that I was alone. I guess what I want my cousin to feel is that someone is there to rejoice with her in times of victories and definitely she has someone to lean to in times of sad moments. I am happy for her. I happy for all her achievements. I do wish her well in life.




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Lowest of the Low

With this ordeal, I have been thinking a lot about life and the things going on with me. I'm at the point in my life where things seem not right. I feel ugly. I feel am not good enough. I got issues! Waaaahhhhh. I hope I'd be over this soon. It's complicated. It's so confusing. I hate it.


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Happy Birthday, Nanay

It is sad that she is no longer around. We no longer have any reason to celebrate, eat out, or call the family every October for a themed get-together for her birthday.


I miss her terribly. Nanay has been a great source of love, encouragement for her family down to her grandchildren. She was always ready to give praises. She never failed to highlight what's beautiful in yourself. In times when you've doubted yourself, speak with her and at the end of it all, you'd feel that youre a better person.

She's not perfect. She's got flaws but she never made those flaws and shortcomings get in the way. She had problems. She encountered betrayals and abandonment yet she chose to fight each battle with so much grace and chose to rise above it all.

With all that's happening to me now, I miss the moments when she'd cheer me on. She believed in me. It meant a lot. I miss the times she'd compliment me even though I felt I was really fat and ugly. She was proud of my every achievement - both great and small. She even hung my stuff at her humble home and even displayed my pics. She made me feel that she was so proud of me.

Nanay was always ready to give, eventhough she barely had enough for herself. Regardless of what it was, whenever the need arises, she would just freely give without any question whatsoever.

I miss her... SO MUCH. I truly praise the Lord for her life and for all the sweet memories we had together. It's sad that she's no longer around but knowing that she is spending her birthday with the Lord, Tatay, and all our loved ones who have gone before us is already comforting enough because I know she is having a blast in her birthday party in heaven.

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What I would love to do right now is spend some time alone, literally in solitude, in a place where I can be just quiet and think of nothing else. It would be nice if I had all the resources in the world to travel around, meet strangers, enjoy the sights, and learn new things. But I would also be happy if I'd be left alone in Boracay where I could bury my toes in those fine white sands as I watch the sun slowly set and fade away into the night. It could also be that I spend the day alone at The Henderson Wave or Alexandra Canal in Sg where I could watch passersby and just enjoy nature.

I feel like I couldn't share what I'm going through with anyone right now. I feel like it's either they won't understand and at the same time, I feel like I'm wasting their time since it doesn't concern them.

I am feeling a lot of things in side of me. If only I could share it to someone else... If only...


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People change. You may support someone with all your heart, time, and effort because you love them. Sadly, now that you're in need, you get the littlest support ever. Not that you're expecting anything in return, it's just sad that since it seems like I got nothing to hold on to, that is exactly the same time that I get no concrete support.

I tried to spread my wings, I tried to follow my dreams and for a while I thought I got some support from the people dear to me. Only to realize that when it did not push through, they started counting all the "help" they extended to me one by one -- almost itemized.

It's sad that I'm not one of those "fortunate" people who were born with silver spoons on their mouths. It's sad that I'm no royalty. It's sad that I can just easily do the things that I dream of doings. It's sad that aside from I don't have the financial resources, I don't have the luxury of time to follow all my dreams.

Don't worry, this is no cause for alarm. I'm not in a state of rebellion. I just felt like telling someone about how I feel and right now, it doesn't matter if you'll reply back or not.

Life is unfair. It's one realization that I clearly learned this year. And I will live with this truth until I die.

Life goes on...



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The Man I Like

There are days when I feel like giving up on him. Simply because I do not understand some of the things which he does. Add to it our communication and proximity issues. It really takes a toll on us. It makes you feel like you're drifting far apart each time you fail to talk to each other.

A few days back, I emailed him when I snapped. Told him that I am mad at him and that I am frustrated. It's just sad that we are far away.

This morning however I woke up to this message:



How could I hate him for so long? How could I remain mad? I know we both need to work things out and here he is saying I'm sorry.

I am scared to love this guy because he seems so adorable. He has flaws and insecurities but at the same time, he has goals to achieve and vision for the future. He is not scared to run after me and apologize.

I'm still guarding my heart but one thing is for sure, he already captured a special place in my heart...




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