I haven't played any tune. I haven't watched any movie. I could only hear the raindrops falling from my rooftop. I woke up with this anxious feeling in my heart once more. I opened my Bible and read God's Word. I know it's not an instant solution but His Words fill my heart with hope. My fears and anxious thoughts remain but it gets replaced with peace when I get reminded of whose side I am on.
I have asked the Lord to bless me so I could be a blessing to others. I prayed for God to prosper me so I may provide and care for my family. At the back of my mind, though I hate to admit this, I guess I was thinking, "ahhh this would be easy. God's with me." Reading the Bible however made me realize that it won't be easy at all! It entails hard work and it means to exercise one's faith. To learn how to believe that God's grace is sufficient for me. In fact, it is more than enough.
I got caught up reading the Book of Acts Chapters 1 - 9. The disciples of Christ were anointed as well and they were channels of blessings to the people around them. One things remained common though, things weren't laid out for them. Things did not come easy. They had to work hard to achieve their goals. They had to persevere and make do of what they currently have.
Nothing changes with my desire to help my family. Nothing changes with my dream to stay here and study. One thing changed though, my soul is know still and I am getting to know the Lord better. He didn't promise me a life full of good things and abundance all the time. He promised me though that He will never leave me nor forsake me in times of lack. I get scared at times knowing the I have 23 days left. My time is ticking so fast and every second counts. I am afraid of defeat. I am afraid of not knowing how far I could go. But I praise God for sustaining me. I praise God for re-focusing my eyes and my priorities on Him. Life is tough. With all the responsibilities, competition, and even with all the insecurities one must deal with, sometimes you just feel like giving up. Sometimes, you just feel like thinking of yourself as a loser but I praise God for calling me His own. He sheds light to my dark and lonely soul. He comforts me and straighten my thoughts out. He fills the void that I fell. He fills my heart with so much love so I will always have room to love and accept people. He gives me peace and hope so I could continue.
Life is tough and it gets tougher each day but God is greater than any of my doubts,worries, and fears. I will move on. I will carry on for God is with me.
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