Being Watched

Being sheltered all my life, I have been used to being watched always. It was honestly annoying when I was younger and all you could think of was how one could escape the shelter. But as one matures, you get the hang of it and somehow the idea of being sheltered grew to me given that I was delegated less responsibilities to decide. It saved me from accountability.


Being alone, and I mean with no parents around, here in Singapore is tough. I am not ashamed nor scared to admit that I am so attached to my parents. That being told, making my own decisions, directing things, and living on my own are tough things for me. It is like suddenly I was introduced to this big world and I am scared to jump and spread my wings. 


For 12 days now, I find myself crying myself to sleep or upon waking up. My world has been shaken upside down and even thrown around. I am scared to be responsible. I don't know who to speak with. I don't want to tell my parents about it because I don't want them to worry. I dare not tell everything to my cousin because I don't want her to worry as well. Keeping all these things inside worried me.


The Bible has always been my safe refuge. Yes, many times I have taken it for granted and I admit it was so wrong. I still praise the Lord for giving me that chance to breathe in His breath of life at the time when I needed it the most.


My mom, whenever she goes online, never fails to declare blessings upon me. She tells me how favored I am by the Lord. It always brings me to tears when I hear that. One of the reasons why I opted to fly here was not only for the advancement I would get but also so I could support my family and Tita Ching. The past few days scared me so much because things have been quiet and I felt like hope was nowhere to be found and that my dreams were too difficult to reach.


God is good for He granted me answers way beyond what I could ever imagine. He sent random people to bless me. He allowed acquaintances to encourage me. He used my friends here to build me up. It means a lot to me. It keeps me going.


He spoke to me through my devotions too. Funny how I wake up with praise and worship songs in my head and these songs address the needs of my anxious soul. He reminds me of His goodness and love which will follow me all the days of my life. He reminds me that I am surrounded with His favor always and forever. It seriously makes me think and it brings forth peace to my heart.


Today, my quiet time is focused on Psalm 91:10-11 No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling place; for He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.


I have been fearful in so many ways. And yes, that is despite the fact that fear and all these anxious thoughts are considered as sins of unbelief towards the Lord. My humanity and my weaknesses overwhelm me and I try my best to shrug it off but it is tough and I admit that. Reading passages like Psalm 91 rebukes me and reminds me to embrace what God has for me. I need to seriously let go of all apprehensions and believe in what God has planned out for me. 


With a strong promise like that, I should not fear. That I will do today.

You see, I heard all sorts of negative stuff about my college,  my credentials, and my CV and it brought me down the dumps. I pressed on. My interview later is a tutoring job. Technically,I can't teach here in Sg but God opened an opportunity for me to do so. How great are His ways indeed.


I believe that God is with me. I believe that He is going to bless me. I believe that He will lead me to where I will shine brightly for His glory. My journey has no conclusion yet. I am yet to find out what lies ahead. Yes, I haven't pushed all my fears and worries aside, but with God on my side, I will be strong. I will be able to overcome. And I know that I will excel.


God is good.
I know that this is just the beginning. God will be magnified through my testimony. I know that God will be known and will be praised because of all these things.


xoxo