Uncertainties

I am home. I have been home for like 2 1/2 days now. Yes, I am adjusting to life back here. I am at a loss. Yes, that's how I feel. I have set my heart and soul to achieving my goals and seizing the opportunities that was once offered to me but none worked out. A part of me wants to cry my heart out. A part of me wants to find a reason why this is happening or at least I feel like I needed something to blame but at the end of the whole thing, I can't help but feel that blame shifting is simply a waste of my time and energy.


Leaving Singapore was tough. It was like letting go of all my dreams. I wanted to be there. I liked the kind of life I had there. I get to decide on things. I am independent. I love how my logic challenges my faith in God and vice versa. I love how God reveals to me daily things that I have never experienced before or things that I have never learned before. Though tough, I enjoy caring for the people I love. I enjoy the fact that I get to practice my faith in real life and I get to learn new things along the way. I have built routines which I could not do here in Manila. It's sad that I can't do it now. Oh and I will miss the worship services at Every Nation Sg and how Ptr. Larry delivers his preachings too.


Anyway, this is reality. I can't stop over what I can't have for now. Although sadness fills my heart and that it seems to have crippled me, I can't just stop living. These uncertainties scare me. Again, I have no concrete plan as to where to go and what to do next. I feel like my world has stopped and not much work is ready to accept me. I will overcome. God has blessed me and I know that I will overcome.


My heart remains in Singapore. I want to go back. I want to still try. I want to work and study and travel. How? I do not know. Will it push through? Again, that's uncertain. 


I feel like I have lost so much. I am scared but I choose to be brave.I will face this. God destined me to overcome. God will see me through. I won't let these uncertainties pull me down. I will bounce back. God will cause me to do so....


I will believe... I will believe...