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I found out tonight that Joel is going back home. A part of me is happy for him while a part of me feels the loss. He has been a great source of encouragement to me and now, God is saying that "time is up" and it's time for me to go on my own. I know I got to move on and be strong. I just don't know where to draw the strength to bounce back. I believe that God is gracious and He will sustain me despite all the unbelief and crazy things that I have been doing. Yes, I may be a pastor's daughter but that doesn't make me perfect. I still sin and my faith does falter. 

Tomorrow, it's just me most of the time. Cleo has other responsibilities to think of. Karl has a job. Everyone else seems busy while I got nothing else but silence. 

It's funny how I used to complain that I am tired from work and that it is boring and unhealthy. Now that I am searching for something to be busy with, here I am worried and anxious of what is yet to come. Joel is right. I am fickle. 

One by one, God is removing those whom I draw strength from. The message is obviously clear, "In Christ alone, I place my trust." God took me out of my comfort zone and granted the desires of my heart to be in Singapore. I was drawn out of my parents' comforting turf. Then,when I got here, I had to move out of Karl's which was like a second home for me. Robert had to come in and I had to move out of my cousin's place. Bianca's home was far from the business district and would definitely cost me a lot if I stay with them. God led me to Joel and now, he is flying back home. There is Val but we are not close. Henry is around but he could only do so much as well. Patrick, my Singaporean friend, well, he is a different kind. Haha! He has to be taken out for real. For some reason, Malcolm, Sean, Zac, Roel, Wilson, and all the other Singaporean friends are difficult to reach. Jeff is very busy with work too.Then, there's my Miguel, who is at the opposite side of the planet. I cannot expect him to be there for me all the time given the time difference plus we are mere acquaintances. God, too, took Miguel away.

I literally got nothing. So this is how it feels to have nothing. I have nothing to go back to Manila and I need to start with something. 

What will happen to me? I don't know. I REALLY don't know. Only God knows how this journey will conclude and what happens next.

I know that God fill this nothingness of mine and instead of wallowing, all I'm going to do is expect that greater things are yet to come and He will be the only one to fill me up.